I think i peed on brittanys purse
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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