Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
