apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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