get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
