omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
