hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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