GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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