you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
