Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We're not piercing ourselves today.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
