i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
