i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
