I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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