come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
