whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
