i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
