I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
