Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
