I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
