barbara walters just said penis...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
