finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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