Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
