Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
