ya dads aren't the best wingmen
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
