went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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