i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize