Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
