I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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