Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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