He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
