I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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