Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
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