my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
