I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
