have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
