All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
