I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
