I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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