Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
