and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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