there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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