Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
