note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
