yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
