I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
