Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
