I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
