Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I enjoy the company of your penis
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
