hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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