So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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