she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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