sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
