I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize