apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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