so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
