turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
