i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
