it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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