that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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