8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just cropdusted the office
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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