your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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