a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
