I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How external is "for external use only"?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
