I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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