So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
