She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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