its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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