She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
