Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
