I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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