Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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