College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
