according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
