Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
