Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
