Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
