why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
